As I reflect this Thanksgiving I have so much to be Thankful for. While I have so many questions about my life and why sometimes having unanswered questions is best. See, my husband is living his life on his terms and how he wants too. Me on the other hand, I still consider myself married and I would do nothing to jepordize that. I am living my life as God would want me too during this time. Does God want me to rub it in his face? No. Does God want me to go out and date everyone that shows interest? No. God wants me to continue to live my life the way as he would knowing there will be hiccups along the way. He knows Im not perfect and I let things get to the inner most me alot more than I should. I worry too much and sometimes try to be something Im not becuase I often feel I am not good enough. He knows me...he knows my past, present and future. I have to remind myself that It is God that keeps records of wrong doing, and the vengeance belongs to only him. If I try to seek revenge it will only hurt me and my family. No, matter how hurt I am about the fact that my husband is doing all these things that hurt me to the core I have to continue to hold my head up high. If he took the 2+ weeks he was planning on leaving me and commited them to our marriage to try to make things work we would more than likely still be living together and hey..we might even be happy. I have to realize that people make their own decisions based on whether it is Godly or not. They see things differently and some people only care about themselves and what they can get from another. It is so hard being the bigger person and just turning the other cheek. I know God is watching me and my actions and I think he would be proud. I know I have surprised myself beyond anything I expected. This Thanksgiving was hard but it didnt seem it. My Mom is my rock and I am very thankful I got to spend this Thanksgiving with her...with someone that loves me unconditionally....Thank God for people like that!
Okay, I am going to step off my soap box. This weekend Chad deleted me from FB and started a new blog just like I did a few weeks ago. It hurt when I found out but then again he knows it will hurt me and thats why he did it. He knew it would hurt and he didnt care. So...hurt no more my child, says God. For God knows the plans he has for me.....
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