Tuesday, September 28, 2010
At Last
As today rolls by the song "At Last" comes to mind. Etta James knew what she was doing when she sang this song. For me it has a different meaning. For almost a year now my life has been in sort of limbo. I have had the title of being "married" without actually the act of "being married." When asked I told people I was married but when asked where my ring was I began to tell them I was "separated." The big "D" I knew would be coming next. See for the past 4+ years I had been hiding under a rock. I thought by being married it would change different circumstances in my life and that everything would just magically work out. I guess I assumed my husband (ex-husband now) would turn into the man I had always knew he could be. There was so much potential, ambition and drive there but apparently I was the only one who saw it...I was the rose colored glasses and pink hearing aids! ;) But I learned a difficult and hard lesson...you cannot change anyone unless they want to be changed. See people have a tendency to change and become someone who they think you want to be with and lose themselves in lies. They hide the truth for so long that they forget who they are and spend too much time pretending to be someone else. See...I fell in love with someone else. I fell in love with this awesome man of God that was, sweet, caring, handsome, free, not complicated, honest, a little rough around the edges but I loved him. Little did I know that was an act and that really wasn’t who he was. God showed me that time and time again but I never got in tune with my mind, body and soul about it.... AT LAST....I quit wanting what Ashly wants and I started looking at what the Lord was showing me and the people around me were concerned for me. I learned on October 5th that my husband was no husband at all. Then I learned again on September 27th what God was telling me all along. I often think about what would of happened if I would of followed the path that God put right in front of me instead of took a detour. I’m glad I did take that detour. Because of that I am a MUCH stronger woman of God and I value things I never did before. I learned that we give the devil too much credit sometimes! So this is the first day of the rest of my life...Day 1 of being Ashly Lashell Thornton. I learned that God gives favor over and beyond when you leave things in his hands. I learned that family will always be there no matter what and no matter what decisions you make they will be there when they fail or succeed. Did I want my marriage to succeed? YES! I wanted to grow old with him rocking on the front porch...but...AT LAST I will...just not with Chad. The grief hasn’t set in and people tell me it will but I keep holding on to the fact that I don’t have to anymore. I don’t have to be upset because I did everything I could of done. I can be happy knowing that everything I learned will be put to great use one day for my future husband. For now...I will enjoy being Miss Ashly Thornton and I look forward to concentrating on God, my son and myself. I dont have room for another and really want to take this time to get closer to God and the plan he has for me. So with that being said...AT LAST....I tell myself... CONGRATS, JOB WELL DONE, and its time to....MOVE ON! :)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Food for Thought
I got this via email and I had to post it as a blog. It is just so amazing how this person puts it into words. It can change lives if you let it!
You can't sustain a relationship that is based on deception. If lies, infidelity, or other deal-breaking behaviors are threatening your marriage or partnership.
Remember that you teach people how to treat you. Your partner is doing what he/she is doing because they can. If you're allowing the behavior to continue by making excuses for your partner and blaming yourself, stop. If you want to be treated with dignity and respect, stand up and require it.
You can't change what you don't acknowledge. First, acknowledge that there is something wrong. If what is happening isn't normal, admit it. You need to set some new standards of acceptable behavior and your partner needs to know what those standards are.
If you truly want the relationship to work, be real with yourself and your partner. Be completely honest and truthful with your partner about your wants and needs. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. You should be an open book to your mate.
If there is something or someone from past relationships coming in between you and your new partner then you are not ready for a commitment with another person. Old relationships should be put in the past completely so new ones can begin. When there are children born from a previous relationship then the children should be the focus not the past failed relationship. No new partner likes to have the ex around as a constant reminder of what you had with them. That is just a fact of life.
Be as forthcoming as you can be with your partner before entering into a commitment. If there are things your partner has the right to know before marriage/partnership so that he/she can make an honest and informed decision, tell him/her.
If you are the person who has damaged the relationship, make sure that you hear your partner. He/she needs to know that you have listened and understand the full gravity of your actions and how they have affected him/her. Acknowledge the damage your behavior has caused to your partner's self-esteem, mental state and emotions.
Understand that any time you turn away from your partner to fill your needs instead of toward him/her, it's a betrayal. It's not just what you do — it's what you don't do. You can violate someone by withholding affection.
Look at your situation and ask yourself if you are willing to settle for this. If you knew that things would never change, would you stay? Never invest more in a relationship than you can afford to lose.
If you have children or are considering getting pregnant, understand that you have a responsibility for the effect that your choices have on them. Do not put your children in the middle of the fray and make them pick up the tab for your irresponsible behavior.
Don't argue in front of your children. When you do, you change who they are forever. Kids tend to think that problems in the home are their fault.
You can't sustain a relationship that is based on deception. If lies, infidelity, or other deal-breaking behaviors are threatening your marriage or partnership.
Remember that you teach people how to treat you. Your partner is doing what he/she is doing because they can. If you're allowing the behavior to continue by making excuses for your partner and blaming yourself, stop. If you want to be treated with dignity and respect, stand up and require it.
You can't change what you don't acknowledge. First, acknowledge that there is something wrong. If what is happening isn't normal, admit it. You need to set some new standards of acceptable behavior and your partner needs to know what those standards are.
If you truly want the relationship to work, be real with yourself and your partner. Be completely honest and truthful with your partner about your wants and needs. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. You should be an open book to your mate.
If there is something or someone from past relationships coming in between you and your new partner then you are not ready for a commitment with another person. Old relationships should be put in the past completely so new ones can begin. When there are children born from a previous relationship then the children should be the focus not the past failed relationship. No new partner likes to have the ex around as a constant reminder of what you had with them. That is just a fact of life.
Be as forthcoming as you can be with your partner before entering into a commitment. If there are things your partner has the right to know before marriage/partnership so that he/she can make an honest and informed decision, tell him/her.
If you are the person who has damaged the relationship, make sure that you hear your partner. He/she needs to know that you have listened and understand the full gravity of your actions and how they have affected him/her. Acknowledge the damage your behavior has caused to your partner's self-esteem, mental state and emotions.
Understand that any time you turn away from your partner to fill your needs instead of toward him/her, it's a betrayal. It's not just what you do — it's what you don't do. You can violate someone by withholding affection.
Look at your situation and ask yourself if you are willing to settle for this. If you knew that things would never change, would you stay? Never invest more in a relationship than you can afford to lose.
If you have children or are considering getting pregnant, understand that you have a responsibility for the effect that your choices have on them. Do not put your children in the middle of the fray and make them pick up the tab for your irresponsible behavior.
Don't argue in front of your children. When you do, you change who they are forever. Kids tend to think that problems in the home are their fault.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Hold on Tight....Enjoy the Ride...
Lately I’ve had writer’s block but God is beginning to give me clarification on so many things in my life. God’s signs and wonders are wonderful things if you pay attention. Not to say I haven’t had anything to write about lately but I haven’t been able to put it in words that would make sense. Love has been on my mind lately. See my personality is different than many other women out there. When I get hurt I get angry and when I get mad I cry. God programmed me that way and I have accepted it and I have come to love it because HE made me that way! He made me to love with my whole heart and never back down to love. See nothing can separate us from the love of God. If you look at “Romans 8:38-39 (The Message)
31-39 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
As time is getting closer to the divorce I really look into marriage and what God intended it to be. Now I am NOT going to go into details because I would be typing forever about a Godly marriage. I have learned though especially during our Ephesians study that we as Christians need to make allowances for each other’s faults because of love. What is love to you? Love is so many different things. The type of love you have for your friends and family is totally different than the type you have for your husband and wife. Does true love ever fade or go away? YES! If you don’t nurture the love it will fade. If you allow Satan to come in and take parts of your love away from one another you have problems. If you allow problems to remain without discussing them and working on them they turn into potholes and become devastating. It brings a few quotes to mind:
A bizarre sensation pervades a relationship of pretense. No truth seems true. A simple morning's greeting and response appear loaded with innuendo and fraught with implications. Each nicety becomes more sterile and each withdrawal more permanent. –Unknown
'Tis said of love that it sometimes goes, sometimes flies; runs with one, walks gravely with another; turns a third into ice, and sets a fourth in a flame: it wounds one, another it kills: like lightning it begins and ends in the same moment: it makes that fort yield at night which it besieged but in the morning; for there is no force able to resist it. Miguel De Cervantes
Back to my question though...Does true love ever fade or go away? NO.... I know you are thinking she just said YES! Trick Question When you have true love for someone you will always have a special place for them. It’s kind of like putting together a puzzle. Your heart is a puzzle that needs each piece to complete one another. If one is missing your puzzle isn’t complete. Remember when that one piece just won’t fit then you turn it slightly to the right or left and it slides right in? Everything in our life has a purpose and promise with God. My testimony is unlike any others and believe me I want my cross and no one else’s! I follow God and love him with all my heart. He has a plan for me and I am discovering it day by day. When you live your life to the best of your ability serving God the blessings are endless. Will you have trials and failures? Yes, but that’s part of life. When things get tough stay in Gods house and following him and do not leave and forsake him for the flesh of this world. So many forsake him when times go bad and run to the flesh of this world and do things that they justify are okay when they really are not. Read the word daily and study what Gods plans are for you. Just as in Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I know that writing this is for someone but more importantly I’m writing this for me. See when you think back to dancing in the rain, late night movies , 7+ hour talks, good long hugs from the one you love, being serenaded to the most wonderful song or just looking at each other knowing exactly what the other person is thinking...Smile.... However, when you think back on the yelling, crying, running, emotional abuse, physical abuse....Smile... I don’t want someone else’s life because you just don’t get the good. You get it all. I would rather have my life and the lessons I have learned knowing there is better out there for me. I am still married and I still let people know that I am. When my divorce papers say that I am not married is the day I will change EVERYTHING! See I have the huge burning in my heart for marriage but not your typical marriage.. One that is ON FIRE FOR GOD! As the time approaches I can clearly see the plans he has for me and they are more than amazing. They are full of smiles; laughs, tears, rejoicing and most of all......LOVE....Love UNCONDITIONALLY! Isn’t God good!!!
31-39 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
As time is getting closer to the divorce I really look into marriage and what God intended it to be. Now I am NOT going to go into details because I would be typing forever about a Godly marriage. I have learned though especially during our Ephesians study that we as Christians need to make allowances for each other’s faults because of love. What is love to you? Love is so many different things. The type of love you have for your friends and family is totally different than the type you have for your husband and wife. Does true love ever fade or go away? YES! If you don’t nurture the love it will fade. If you allow Satan to come in and take parts of your love away from one another you have problems. If you allow problems to remain without discussing them and working on them they turn into potholes and become devastating. It brings a few quotes to mind:
A bizarre sensation pervades a relationship of pretense. No truth seems true. A simple morning's greeting and response appear loaded with innuendo and fraught with implications. Each nicety becomes more sterile and each withdrawal more permanent. –Unknown
'Tis said of love that it sometimes goes, sometimes flies; runs with one, walks gravely with another; turns a third into ice, and sets a fourth in a flame: it wounds one, another it kills: like lightning it begins and ends in the same moment: it makes that fort yield at night which it besieged but in the morning; for there is no force able to resist it. Miguel De Cervantes
Back to my question though...Does true love ever fade or go away? NO.... I know you are thinking she just said YES! Trick Question When you have true love for someone you will always have a special place for them. It’s kind of like putting together a puzzle. Your heart is a puzzle that needs each piece to complete one another. If one is missing your puzzle isn’t complete. Remember when that one piece just won’t fit then you turn it slightly to the right or left and it slides right in? Everything in our life has a purpose and promise with God. My testimony is unlike any others and believe me I want my cross and no one else’s! I follow God and love him with all my heart. He has a plan for me and I am discovering it day by day. When you live your life to the best of your ability serving God the blessings are endless. Will you have trials and failures? Yes, but that’s part of life. When things get tough stay in Gods house and following him and do not leave and forsake him for the flesh of this world. So many forsake him when times go bad and run to the flesh of this world and do things that they justify are okay when they really are not. Read the word daily and study what Gods plans are for you. Just as in Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I know that writing this is for someone but more importantly I’m writing this for me. See when you think back to dancing in the rain, late night movies , 7+ hour talks, good long hugs from the one you love, being serenaded to the most wonderful song or just looking at each other knowing exactly what the other person is thinking...Smile.... However, when you think back on the yelling, crying, running, emotional abuse, physical abuse....Smile... I don’t want someone else’s life because you just don’t get the good. You get it all. I would rather have my life and the lessons I have learned knowing there is better out there for me. I am still married and I still let people know that I am. When my divorce papers say that I am not married is the day I will change EVERYTHING! See I have the huge burning in my heart for marriage but not your typical marriage.. One that is ON FIRE FOR GOD! As the time approaches I can clearly see the plans he has for me and they are more than amazing. They are full of smiles; laughs, tears, rejoicing and most of all......LOVE....Love UNCONDITIONALLY! Isn’t God good!!!
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